Questions to the world

11
Feb
2008

day 6

this day is the sixth.
the sixth i´ve been waiting.
waiting and anticipating the call of a certain someone.
but she didn´t. so far. will she ever, i wonder?
and i can´t help having thoughts that were very unfamiliar to myself
in my life right to that point the before mentioned five days ago.
Like: How long is normal to wait on someone to call after you gave them your number?
I figured a week.
More than enough time.
i thought.
but maybe i was wrong.
i must be wrong.
because otherwise she would have allready called and asked for that coffee i promised while giving her my number.
maybe she needs more time.
time to decide if she is even interested.
i thought the universe must, yeah, is obligated really, to reward my larger-than-life bravery,
this being the very first time i did such a thing.
yeah i know. 28 years and so far i have never given someone my phone number
just out of pure gut feeling and childish hope for more.
but finally i did.
couldnt really believe myself when i did it.
but i was braver than the other self i used to be.
and i liked it.

until today. today i hate it. hate the fact that i did it. no, i don´t really. i only hate the fact that she doesn´t call.
and i hate the fact that i still want her to do so much that i jump to the ceiling every time my phone
sings (yeah, my phone sings- it doesn´t ring. too boring.)
but besides bumping my every body part in the attempt to get to the little cell phone as quickly as possible nothing happens.

Is it possible that bruised arms and ellbows will be everything i get for this brave thing i did?

its the sixth day.
and i start to wonder.
wonder about on which day are you supposed to start giving in.
giving in to the possibility that she might just not be as interested as you thought she was?

I´ll give it another week before i start with that stage.
i´not ready to give up my hopes yet.

22
Aug
2006

Was ist..

...das für eine Welt,

die mir entsagt, was alle tun
die mir vorenthält, was alle haben,
die verurteilt, was ich will.

Was ist das für eine Welt?
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